We're all just wingin' it . . .

Making progress -

2011-04-11T07:24:00.000-07:00

I think. Maybe. At least I took one step forward - after Easter, I'll be taking a break from singing in my church's chancel choir. At least until our music director returns from leave - maybe longer. Not sure. Just the knowledge that there are just two Sundays left to sing is a huge relief to me. Just too much stress there. Not from the choir members - let me be VERY clear about that. I LOVE them, and it was hard to decide to take a break. See, at this time, I'm the only soprano, which means that they may not be able to sing for worship in May if I'm not there. Or they may - it depends on what music they can find. But I won't be a part of that process.

I did go and talk to someone - about my current "situation", feelings of stress & anxiety, anger, etc. It did help. She's the one who helped me sort out that I really did need to step back from choir for a bit. Which means I may also take a break from even attending worship at my church. Just for a bit.

In other news: my eldest S. will be graduating from college this June! And THAT is very exciting! We already have our reservations to go down for the ceremony. I'm already thinking about what to wear! S.'s journey to this point didn't go as I thought it would. She started her college life at Humboldt Univ. in 2003, but dropped out after a couple of years. It just wasn't working for her - it wasn't what she wanted. She took a couple of years to figure out what she DID want, and when she returned to college, it was with energy and enthusiasm! It's a joy to see her SO loving what she's doing - it's what I want for both my girls. To really take the time to find their passion, and then go for it! It's not always easy for a mother to watch her daughters on that journey, but it's a blessing to be there for it.

As for me, I've returned to Weight Watchers in an attempt to get a handle on my stress/comfort eating habits. Which are NOT helpful. You'd think I'd be able to do this program on my own, but if that were true, I wouldn't have gained back some of the weight I lost. So I returned. And it's helping. It helps me to make better food choices, which helps me feel better about myself -- which helps me not feel as stressed, depressed and anxious. All good. And I've lost a few pounds - which is important to me. I have some cute clothes that I kinda "grew" out of, and I'd like to fit back into them and not have to go shopping! Just being frugal.

Looking forward to May, and then summer. Hopeful that my church will have a new permanent pastor sooner rather than later.

Sure doesn't look like the desert . . .

2011-03-30T15:22:00.000-07:00

but it sure feels like it. Oddly, Lent this year seems to coincide with my own, personal desert time. I am weary. Spent. Stressed and anxious. Fed up. Depressed. Sick and tired, damn it. But I'm getting help to get through it. Finally. Takes me a while to realize that yes, really, it's ok to ask for help. It's a GOOD thing, a necessary thing. So my hope is that, perhaps by Easter, I may be ready to feel a little joyful. A tad peaceful. A tiny bit happy. Yup. Will be workin' on it.

Frost

2010-12-31T07:40:00.000-08:00

Yup, that's what we've got this morning - frost, and quite a bit. It's COLD out there! Took a nice, brisk walk w/the doggies at 6:30, wearing my warmest coat, a double layer knit hat and handwarmers. Brrrrrrr. But the sun is coming up, and it will all thaw out soon. Just in time for another few days of rain.

It's New Year's Eve, but I'm not really a party kind of girl. We generally keep things pretty quiet. Ken has to work late (forced overtime) but when he gets home we'll drop in at a friend's party, then head home to have a little champagne. We're planning to head up to my Dad's tomorrow for his annual New Year's Day crab cioppino feast - yum!

2010 was pretty good until we hit Sept. 9th, and then it all came to a screeching halt. Healing is a work in progress. Isn't it always? My hope and prayer for 2011 is that we continue our process of healing, help others heal, and continue to find ways to reach out. I truly believe this will be the year our church becomes publicly welcoming and affirming to ALL people, and esp. to people of all gender expressions and sexual identities. Amen.

Stay warm. Stay safe.

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!

2010-12-29T07:50:00.000-08:00

We’re home now, after spending 4 days and nights at Disneyland over Christmas. I believe it’s the first time in 25 years we haven’t been at our church on Christmas Eve. I wasn’t sure how I’d feel about that, but it turns out it was just fine! It was just the 4 of us – me and dh, and our two lovely daughters, S. and L. It’s the first time we’ve done something with just the 4 of us in a long time. And we didn’t kill each other! Yay!

The drive down last Wed. got pretty scary over the Grapevine – raining so hard the wipers could hardly keep up, but Ken kept steady hands on the wheel and we arrived safely. We debated about going into the park that day, or getting an extra night at the hotel and going in on Sunday instead, but we decided to take our chances with

the weather, and headed into the park Wed. afternoon. Great decision! It must have rained earlier in the day, because the park was so empty! We did a bunch of rides: Big Thunder Mountain Railroad, Pirates of theCaribbean, Haunted Mansion, Indiana Jones, Astro Blasters, Finding Nemo, Snow White, Pinnocchio, Matterhorn, Space Mountain and Toy Story Mania. Whew! Most of those we walked onto the ride – no lines! We figured it was Ken’s karmic reward for the horrendous drive!

Disneyland at Christmas is beautiful – the decorations are amazing. We didn’t get a Christmas tree at home this year because we’d be in Disneyland, and I hoped the decorations there would make up for it – they did.

We had so much fun on the rides – I do love roller coasters, my new fav being California Screamin’ in Calif. Adventure. It’s FAST! But I did discover a ride I really don’t like – Tower of Terror. It’s a big elevator in a “haunted hotel” that takes you up and then drops suddenly – then zips up and down at various times, various distances. Yeah. Not so much. Ken and I rode it a few years ago when we went for my birthday, and I recalled not being a huge fan, but figured I’d give it a try. As soon as I buckled in, I knew I didn’t want to do it. Too late. I was a bit teary when I got off. Learn something new every day, right?

We did our “penance” and rode It’s a Small World, which is different at Christmas. It, too, is decorated inside and out, and they sing Christmas songs as well as the standard tune. So maybe not quite as annoying as usual.

We had reservations to see World of Color on Christmas night – a new show in Calif. Adventure of water, light and sound. Just as the show began, it started to rain. No big deal – pull out the ponchos! But 5 min. into the show, the sound stopped. Then the water stopped, all the park lights came back on, and they announced that, due to technical problems, the show would not continue. Big disappointment – esp. for L., who had seen it over the summer with friends, and REALLY wanted us to see it. But that’s the way it goes – no guarantees. Like everything else in this life. You pay your money, you take your chances.

This one paid off, overall. I cherished the time away with my family, and had several sappy Mommy moments. My girls singing Disney tunes along with the CD in the car. Screaming our heads off together on the rides. Getting into the Disney mode and showing patience and kindness to strangers. Laughing together at all the sappy jokes on the Jungle Cruise. Watching my daughters getting into their pics with Darth Vader, the Jedi Master, and Darth Maul.

Blessings to all in 2011 – here’s a couple of New Year’s toasts:

“We spend January 1 walking through our lives, room by room, drawing up a list of work to be done, cracks to be patched. Maybe this year, to balance the list, we ought to walk through the rooms of our lives... not looking for flaws, but for potential.” ~Ellen Goodman

“Be always at war with your vices, at peace with your neighbors, and let each new year find you a better man (person).” ~Benjamin Franklin

December? Already?

2010-12-04T16:16:00.000-08:00

So . . . well. Ahem. I guess I've been a bit neglectful of my blog. Either I feel I have nothing to say, or too much to say, and either way, I have no idea how to write it. And here we are in December, and still I have difficulty putting my life into words.

We have entered the season of Advent, and rather than feeling the excited anticipation of Christmas, I still feel rather blah. My darling husband put up the outside Christmas lights, and today my dear daughter and I baked and decorated cookies at the church as part of our Advent Festival. The church tree is up and at least partially decorated, evergreen swags hang from the candle sconces, and the lovely nativity is up in the Narthex. And yet I have been stalling about pulling down my boxes of decorations here at home. We're not putting up a tree this year - we won't be a home for several days leading up to and including Christmas day, but our house and dog sitter will be here, so I'd like it to be festive. But I'm having a hard time getting in the mood.

Plus, I injured my shoulder - quite possibly another knitting injury. I know, you're laughing, wondering how in the world knitting can cause an injury! Well, believe me, it can. So I've been putting a warm gel pack on it, taking Advil like a good girl, but I just can't keep my hands off the knitting! Knitting pleases me, calms me, and makes me happy, darn it.

So I sit here, trying to knit gently, hoping it will boost my mood.

I believe my doldrums are in part my laziness of not wanting to drag down all those boxes (ugh) and in part still working through the loss of our friends Lavonne, Greg and Will. The first holiday season without them, and it will not be easy, either for their family or for the church family. We will find a way through, we will have joy this Christmas, but we will also have sadness.

There. I wrote an update. I'd like to say another will come soon, but I won't make a promise I'm not sure I'll keep. Happy Advent!

Collecting my thoughts

2010-10-07T18:05:00.000-07:00

I can't believe it's already October - September seemed both way to fast and horribly slow.

We finally got official confirmation that our dear friends did perish in the explosion and fire in San Bruno on Sept. 9th. A memorial service was held for them on Sept. 24th, and was attended by probably 1,000 people. It was truly amazing. Our little church couldn't possibly hold that many people, and we were blessed when 1st Pres. Church Burlingame offered to host the service for us. The Bethany community provided most of the content - including all the music - and several former pastors came to share their memories with us. As difficult as it was, it was also a truly healing experience. I've thought a lot about what constitutes a "normal life", and am really starting to dislike that word. What the heck is normal?? Our lives are what they are, and we just gotta do the best we can with what we have. Thankfully, I have a LOT of wonderful support -- I'm sure I'd be way past cracked by now if I didn't.

There are a few things to look forward to. Our director of music at the church has set up a retreat for us in November - a weekend away to read thru music and start to get ready for Advent and Christmas. I really am loving our music director, and I think everyone else in the music program does too! We'll have a blast!

The weekend before THAT retreat, I have a workshop to attend in SoCal -- with the Welcoming Church Task Force! I'm really looking forward to this. With the recent news of at least 5 suicides of young, gay men, I feel more strongly than ever that our church should publicly and LOUDLY proclaim that we welcome everyone - and extend a special invitation to the LGBTQ community. Our LGBTQ youth need safe places, adults and mentors who love and accept them, a community who will support them as they grow into the adults they are meant to be. AND a church who will tell them, over and over again, that they are beloved children of God. I want to be one of those churches.

And I'm knitting. Got "commissioned" to knit two hats, and am working on another pair of sox. Found a couple of cool patterns for neck wrap thingies -- might be nice instead of a scarf to wear to work this winter. Oh - also knit a couple pair of hand warmers for friends. Yup, knitting is good therapy.

So life goes on - and I'm trying to trudge thru it as best I can. Still find myself feeling depressed, crying, eating crappy junk food -- all signs to me that I'm still working thru this grief process. And yet it's nothing compared to what my dear friend S. and her daughter J. are going thru, after losing family. My heart hurts for them.

Perspective

2010-09-14T15:49:00.000-07:00

So I was whining and complaining about my back and my sinuses, and then a huge gas line explodes in San Bruno near my church, home and lives are destroyed, and somehow sinuses and backs seem awfully trivial.

Our little church family has, our hearts tell us, lost 3 of our dear members. We still wait for "official confirmation", but it's been 4 days, all those taken to area hospitals have been identified, and they're still missing. Three generations of a wonderful family. They will be greatly missed and dearly remembered. If you are someone who prays, please keep the rest of the family - and all those who lost loved ones, homes, possessions, pets - in your hearts and prayers. Life will never be the same for them, or for us.

Now we begin to find our way to a new normal.

Oh my . . .

2010-09-06T16:41:00.000-07:00

I've been quite neglectful of this poor blog. I often felt that I had nothing worthwhile to post, and lately I've been sorting thru so many things I don't know where to start.

Right now, I'm in the midst of a nasty sinus headache - I hate them. Really hate them. Right before THAT kicked in, I strained my back. Not doing anything fun, mind you, just leaned over to drop a small hat into a bag and ZAP. Lower back just froze up. But I can deal with the back pain much better than the sinus headache. And yes, I've doing all the home care stuff - Sudafed, Aleve, sinus rinse, breathing steam . . . it's a tiny bit better, but not enough.

My lovely daughter, wise young woman that she is, said it's probably a physical manifestation of the stress/anger/frustration I'm going thru. And she's probably quite right. So I need to do some head work along with the body work so when I DO get rid of this pain, hopefully it won't return. The crankiness has to do with some stuff going on at work, and the situation will change, but possibly not for a while. And, as my family and friends well know, I avoid confrontation like the plague. Most of the situations aren't directly my problem, but they affect me as well as the rest of the church, and so should be dealt with. Just need to talk to some people and figure out the best way to go about it. Even tho sometimes I just want to run away and leave it behind.

*sigh*

Happy Anniversary, SF Pride!

2010-06-27T16:49:00.001-07:00

San Francisco Pride celebrates 40 years today. I find that so hard to believe. In 40 years, I think we should have come so much further towards equality, tolerance and justice. I can only hope and pray that one day our sexuality and sexual expression will be seen as just another part of the whole, and not the defining aspect of who we are. For all those participating in Pride - have a great day!

Love it -

2010-06-02T15:11:00.000-07:00

My friend KQ sent me this on Facebook - not sure it's big enough for you to read, so it says "it makes me happy to know that none of us get a how to guide - we're all just kind of winging it". Gotta love it -

June!

2010-06-01T16:48:00.000-07:00

Hey, how'd that happen?

I've been keeping busy with the knitting lately - just finished another newsboy-style cap, this one for S., in the same hemp yarn I used to make one for L. a while ago. Easier the second time around! Also finished some lovely socks with yarn given to me by my friend Gretchen - it's Noro Silk Garden, and just luscious -- pretty, aren't they? Usually, I like to keep socks EXTREMELY simple, but Gretchen also gave me a pattern, which had those lovely cables running down the outside of each foot. I really like the look!

I do have a project that's been sitting waiting to be finished for prob. over a year - but it's been nagging at the back of my mind, so perhaps it's time to pull it out and finish it! It's a knitted tank top - I've got most of the front done, so I have to finish that, then do the back & put them together. There's also a crochet trim around the hem, so I'll have to see if I can figure that out - not much with the crochet hook.

I know I have 5 skeins of sock yarn coming soon - the LYS (local yarn shop) near my sister had a BIG sale, and she called me and gave me colors & fiber content over the phone, then bought what I wanted. So I guess I'll have a few more pair of socks to knit soon! Whee!

The day after -

2010-03-30T19:05:00.000-07:00

Tattoo #3 - check

2010-03-28T20:06:00.000-07:00

I came up with the idea for the tattoo a while ago, but just wasn't really sure of exactly how I wanted it to look. Finally found an assortment of pics online that helped describe what I was looking for, printed those out and took them in to "my" tattoo artist, Ellie Geyer, last Monday. She called me on Tues. (didn't have her calendar with her on Monday) and we made an appt. for today (Sunday) at 4.

Once I gave her the pics and my thoughts, she took them and said "Great! I'll draw something up for you". Uh . . . ok. I found myself feeling a bit out of sorts on Tues. and Wed. and FINALLY figured out that the tattoo and what it represents was bringing up ALL sorts of memories and feelings. Once I figured that out, I felt better, and was just able to let the memories come.

The tattoo is an addition to the treble/bass clef on my back -- Ken has the matching treble/bass clef on his right arm. My thought was: add staff lines, and instead of music notes, put flowers on the staff. 7 flowers -- two in color to represent my daughters, and 5 in white to represent the 5 pregnancies I lost. This all happened over the course of 7 years - 1983 - 1990. It was a long time ago, but somehow those feelings all come back.

Ellie did an amazing job with the design. Unfortunately, since it's on my back, it's hard for me to see, and right now, it's a little too . . . uh . . . messy (trans. bloody) to get a good pic. I will post pics in the next few days when it heals up a bit. I feel very sure that this is right, and can't wait to see it all healed up.

My firstborn

2010-02-26T14:06:00.000-08:00

Today is Sarah's 25th birthday! She's an amazing young woman who I not only love, but I like her, too! Happy Birthday, dear Sarah.

Yup, it's Valentines Day

2010-02-14T09:05:00.000-08:00

I really don't go for all the mushy hype around Valentines Day - I'm only in it for the chocolate and champagne :-)

Been spending my time knitting socks lately. I have the second sock of a pair for myself on the needles & almost done. Then I have two more pair waiting -- one a birthday gift, if I can get them done in time, the other a special order from a friend in Connecticut! Still have to find the right yarn for that pair - will be visiting my lys (that's local yarn shop) tomorrow to see what they've got. And she wants knee socks! So that will be another new challenge -- I could just knit really long cuffs, but I think the socks will fit better if I can find a pattern with some shaping for the leg. We'll see.

In other news . . . I have lost my voice. Put it down and can't find it anywhere! (Ok, really bad joke.) This is a relatively new phenomenon - in the past few years, some of my "colds" have gone right to my voice instead of my sinuses! In some ways, I'm grateful - far less pain this way. I feel fine everywhere but my throat --- it's a little sore, and the voice is gone. But, of course, it's a very inconvenient time. Hubby and I sing in a little group called Musica Sacra - we sing all early, sacred music. We have a Lenten Evensong Service next Sunday afternoon, and a long dress rehearsal for it on Sat. So I have about a week to find my voice again. I really need to not talk or sing if I can help it -that will be a challenge. Esp. the talking part.

Happy Birthday, Jake!

2010-02-07T12:26:00.000-08:00

Today is Jake's 10th birthday - whoohoo! 10 is getting up there for a boxer, but he's doing pretty well for a crank old fart. He got an In 'n Out patty for a treat last night, and we'll be taking him down to AnnaBee's, a doggie cafe and bakery in Pacifica, for a little birthday treat.

Here's an adorable pic of Jake shortly after we brought him home - wasn't he CUTE?

Always look on the bright side of life

2010-01-19T07:07:00.000-08:00

Gotta love that Monty Python. We're trying to look on the bright side today. Yesterday, both my cars were damaged in one fell swoop - or one swell foop, as my Mom used to say. Both were parked out in front of the house, the Honda wagon behind the van, when a driver in a Jeep Grand Cherokee came down the street and just plowed into the front of the van, which then ran into the front of the wagon --- in which I was sitting, ready to leave to go donate blood. I hadn't even started the car - didn't even have my seat belt buckled. The driver of the Jeep - older man - said his knee locked up and he couldn't get to the brake. He was heading to his daughter's house, which is at least 2 miles away - he was lost and a bit confused. So the van got towed - we'll hear today if it's fixable - and then we have to deal with getting the Honda repaired too.

Oh yes - the bright side! If the van hadn't been there, he probably would have hit the Honda with me in it! AND if the van's wheel's hadn't been curbed, it would have hit the Honda MUCH harder. So I have my dh to thank -- for taking the Acura shopping instead of the van, and for curbing the wheels. So far, I feel fine - well, except for the nagging sinus headached I've had for 3 days.

All is calm, all is bright . . .

2010-01-12T08:45:00.000-08:00

Perhaps a bit late - we are now in "ordinary time", having passed Epiphany -- it's not Christmas anymore. But the words ring true around here. S. is pretty darn well settled in her new home and has hit the ground running with classes at UC Santa Cruz. She's working hard and loving it. The living situation has turned out to be quite good so far - a bit far from campus, but close to the bus line, and very beautiful.

Spring semester starts for L. at SF City College next week - for the first time, she'll be carrying a full load -- 12 units. She needs to, so she can stay on our health insurance. While on break, she's moving into S.'s old room, and we're repainting the now-"guest"-room. It will also hold my sewing machine and knitting stash, plus other random crafty stuff, board games, books, etc.

I've been busy knitting some little things - baby hat and booties for a couple of people, now working on a pair of socks for our friend M. Don't know if she'll like them, or wear them, but it's what I do. Other people might bake you some cookies, bring a casserole or a pot of soup - I'll bring you a handknit hat. Or a scarf. Pair of fun socks. If I'm really feeling ambitious, a shawl. It's just what I do. And while I knit, I think about that person - I guess it's a kind of praying, really.

Off I go to work - and while all there may not be calm, I'm hoping it can be bright.

Welcoming 2010

2010-01-04T11:45:00.001-08:00

We rang in the new year in a home with a somewhat raised stress/anxiety level and changes at hand. Our eldest, S., moved out on Jan. 2nd, heading down to UC Santa Cruz to continue her education. She's renting a room in a home with a single Mom and her dtr., and it looks like it's going to be a good place for her and for her dog Winston. It was a teary parting for all of us - we miss her, and she misses us. But she's not far, and I expect we'll see her fairly often.

Right after Christmas, a friend of L's called and asked if I could drive her to the hospital - she had decided, on the advice of her doctors, to check herself into an inpatient program for her eating disorder. She was having some difficulty convincing her mom that it was the right thing to do, and needed someone to take her. She's an adult, so it's not like I was doing anything illegal! She is doing well - we plan to visit her as often as we can. We have also offered our guest room if she needs a place to stay after she's discharged.

Ken and I start up rehearsals with Musica Sacra next week, preparing for our Lenten concert at the end of February, and a spring concert in April. The group does all early sacred music - beautiful pieces, beautiful sounds -- and I get to sing alto! My voice just can't do the soprano thing anymore. They are also planning a trip to St. Petersburg, Florida in April, but we're not sure we'll be able to manage that -- both the $$$ and the logistics. We'll have to see.

I finished all my Christmas knitting projects, and am now browsing around for something new. Knit up a hat last night, and started some handwarmers this morning so I'll have something to knit while visiting my sister! Would like to fine a fairly easy lacy sock pattern - will be searching online for that. Might also try to find another vest pattern - I'm not terribly fond of the one I knit a couple of years ago. We'll see.

Now how'd that happen?

2009-12-24T07:29:00.000-08:00

It's Christmas Eve! The days between Thanksgiving and Christmas passed awfully fast.

My youngest, L., (who, at 19, isn't really all that young) left yesterday with another family and will spend Christmas with them in Disneyland. I'm not really sure how I feel about her being gone over Christmas - I think it will be ok, but I won't really know until tomorrow. Dh, S and I are planning to go see a movie tomorrow, then we'll get some food ready for our family gathering in Santa Rosa on Saturday.

Tonight we have our Christmas Eve Candlelight Service at church at 11 p.m. We used to have it at 7 p.m., but last year our interim pastor thought we should move it to 11 so when the Christ candle is lit, it's actually Christmas. Worship Committee agreed, and there you go. I'm not a fan - too late for me. At that time, I'd rather be in bed. But I sing in the choir, and I really don't want to miss the service - I'd just prefer it were earlier.

Unexpected

2009-12-04T07:31:00.000-08:00

I think I know my dogs pretty well - we've had Jake since he was 9 wks. old, and he's fast approaching 10 years old. Mira we've had for almost 5 years. So when they do something out of character, it surprises me! Especially Jake, my grumpy old man. He's not a cuddler. If another dog is lying to close to him, he'll move. There have been times when he's been sleeping on my bed, and if I lie down to take a nap, he'll leave. He likes to be near us, just not too near. But recently he's done a couple of things that are out of character for him, and I have photographic proof! Maybe this is the time of year to expect the unexpected, being Advent and all. Blessed Advent to you!

Pretty!

2009-11-14T11:12:00.000-08:00

The last few days, I noticed some really pretty mushrooms growing in the front yard of a house I walk by every day when I take the pups out for their afternoon walk. Today, I ran by and took a few pictures - you'd almost expect a fairy peek out from behind!

Curious, I Googled them: "red mushroom with white spots" -- it seems they are amanita muscaria, poisonous and hallucinogenic. Who knew?

Movin' out

2009-11-10T07:37:00.000-08:00

S. is actively searching for a place to live in Santa Cruz, and has a couple of good prospects. She is so excited to be doing this, and yet terrified at the same time. Pretty normal feelings. And she's not having any trouble finding places that will take Winston, too. And she has to have her Winston with her - he's her little buddy. Not only does he offer comfort and companionship, but he'll help her meet people too - he's a charmer! Here's a pic of Winston and Mira cuddling together in the sun -

L. is also making noises about moving out, altho I don't see how she'll be able to do that and carry a full load at school. She hasn't been a full time student at SF City College yet - she's had a light load all 3 semesters so far. She has to be a full time student in the spring to stay on our health insurance, which, for me, is a MUST. So we'll see how that goes.

I may have an empty nest sooner than I expected.

Sunday afternoon --

2009-11-01T13:13:00.000-08:00

It's a lovely Sunday afternoon. Halloween last night was pretty quiet -- my girls were both Hogwarts students (yes, even at 24 and nearly-19, they still love to dress up!), I dressed up as Prof. Trelawney, and decorated the front porch as her classroom. It was lovely! Too bad we had just a handful of trick-or-treaters to appreciate it. (In the pic above - L.'s friend D, me as Trelawney, L, her friend M. and her boyfriend C. as Venom.)

Fiat Slug!

2009-10-20T07:25:00.000-07:00

It's official - S. is now a UC Santa Cruz Banana Slug! She got her acceptance on Monday - we celebrated with sparkling wine and burritos. (Odd combo, I know, but it worked.) Winter quarter begins on Jan 5th, and she's got a few things to do before then, but we all feel this is SO right, that things will work out.

Getting ready for Halloween here - I'm sewing Hogwarts robes for both S. and L. -- Gryffindor for S. and Hufflepuff for L. The front porch will be decorated in the style of Prof. Sybil Trelawney's classroom (the Divination teacher), and I will dress as the prof. herself. If we could get some trick-or-treaters to come by, that would be great!

Nipping at the heels of Halloween is L.'s birthday - number 19 this year. She's planning a Disney movie marathon day, so my tiny house will again be filled with a multitude of large teenage bodies. It's a bit stressful, but really, how can I say no to a 19 yo who wants to have a Disney movie marathon for her Bday??? Really.

Oh, FYI: "Fiat Slug" translates "Let There Be Slug" -- taken from the saying "Fiat Lux", "Let There Be Light".

Foggy Monday!

2009-09-28T12:22:00.000-07:00

The weekend was positively HOT, and today, the fog is back and it's actually kinda cold! Doesn't matter, I'll complain about anything.

The weekend was lovely - did the Westminster Trek-a-Thon on Sat., and that was quite warm! But we had plenty of water, and much of the hike is in the shade, so we did fine. Beautiful countryside, good friends, good exercise, plus dinner at the end!

Came home Sat. evening to a house full of large teenagers -- L. was having a movie marathon. We knew about it - she had permission - but I just didn't realize how MANY kids there would be - in my tiny little house! Oh well - they left on the not-that-late side, and just a few stayed over. They all had a good time, and my house is still standing, so it's all good.

Today I was supposed to donate blood - platelets, actually - but I'm still feeling a bit sick. It started last week with a scratchy throat and post nasal drip, then progressed to sinus congestion, which I still have, along with a general feeling of "eh". I did ok on Sat. for the Trek, and thought I was over it, but no. So I called and rescheduled my apheresis appt. - they don't want my "sick blood". I was looking forward to it too - I've had to wait 12 mos. from my last tattoo! But I'll try again next week - I should be fine by then.

We're now in fall - I think it's my favorite season. I have pumpkins growing out back, but I planted them late, so they may not be ready for Halloween. But that's ok - I just like them. I went shopping today and bought fabric to make two Hogwarts robes for my girls - even at 24 and nearly-19, they still love to dress up for Halloween! S. is thinking she might be Harry Potter, and L. will be a Hufflepuff student (maybe Susan Bones?). I think I'll go with Prof. Trelawney - and do up the front porch like her classroom. If you're not familiar with the Harry Potter phenomenon -- well, head to the library, pick up "Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone" and start reading.

Mira, our little boxer girl, is healing well from her surgery - still doing "rehab walks", but she uses the leg more and more. The rest of the fam. is good - S. will find out on 10/01 whether or not she's been accepted into UC Santa Cruz for winter quarter transfer -- we're expecting a positive response! Dh is home "sick" this week, which may give me more time to work on cutting out these Hogwarts robes - SO much fabric!

Must be time for a nap - I'm fading, and it's only noon.

Oh my . . .

2009-09-02T07:23:00.000-07:00

I'm pretty bad at this blogging thing. Just not keeping up. I pass by the blog, think "Oh, I should post something", and then there's so MUCH running around in my head, I don't know where to start. So maybe one thing at a time?

My little church is looking into the possibility of becoming a More Light Presbyterian church. That means we'd be openly welcoming to the GLBT community. Our session is all behind it. The congregation - maybe not so much. Our first "congregational conversation" about it was confusing, seemed confrontational, had one member who gave us a good Bible thumping, and was, I thought, quite unsuccessful. We have another conversation planned for the end of October. So I told our interim pastor I thought we needed some opportunities for EDUCATION. Books/papers/studies talking about interpretation of scripture as it relates to homosexuality. So I started doing some looking around - found some stuff on the More Light and Covenant Network websites. Pastor was going to talk to members of More Light congregations and get them to write a little something about what that's like. Um, ok. But not what I think we need - more academic info, less anecdote. So it looks like I might become a bit more involved in this. Either no one else is saying anything about what they think/need/want, or the pastor isn't listening. Either way, something needs to be done. And I might have to at least get it started. And I'm SO not the leading type. Wish us luck. Pray for us.

Poor Mira -

2009-08-08T08:43:00.000-07:00

Mira had surgery on Thursday to repair her torn CCL and clean up a damaged meniscus. Hopefully, with many months of recovery and rehab, her knee will be back to full (or mostly full) function. She's got quite the Franken-leg - I guess with dogs, the surgeon doesn't have to worry about how big the scar is! She is currently on pain killers, and is a very quiet puppy. She can now get herself up off her bed and hobble slowly around the house. She seems eager to eat, and will go outside to do her business. She has gotten herself down the back steps a few times, but is quite reluctant to try to go back up, so she gets a lift.

I guess while we were paying so much attention to Mira, Jake got bored and ate something very non-foodish, which he then proceeded to throw up yesterday afternoon. Several times. Twice in the house. He's SUCH a dog.

Look at that face - isn't it sad??

But wait! There's more!

2009-07-28T08:49:00.000-07:00

On top of everything else, my dog Mira just tore her cruciate ligament in her right rear leg. Basically, she blew out her knee. So she needs surgery to repair it. But which surgery? There are at least 3. And which surgeon? How much will it cost? I already know it's a long, slow recovery, and she's have to be confined with very limited movement allowed. *sigh*

Are we done yet? Talk about a brain freeze.

Way too much -

2009-07-26T09:24:00.000-07:00

Even as we're still in the middle of coping with grief from the loss of too many, too young, yet another young life is gone. My SAHMmie friend Marie's eldest daughter Megan passed away yesterday from a long struggle with cancer. (FYI - SAHM is stay-at-home-mom -- a group of us met on AOL about 14 years ago, and have been an online community ever since. At the time, we were all stay-at-home-moms -- a rare breed.)

Megan was in her late 20's - just a few years older than my eldest, S. It's so hard to try to make sense of her death - I guess because it doesn't make "sense".

So, if you're the praying type, please keep the Brown family in your prayers -- mom Marie, dad Kevin, and Megan's younger sister Sydney.

Another loss

2009-07-19T17:54:00.000-07:00

I wanted to blog about my camping trip as soon as I got home last weekend, but, almost as soon as I got home, tragedy struck a friend of ours.

L's friend M's father died on Monday. It's the 3rd friend of L's who has lost a father in the last 6 mos -- unbelievable. L knew something was wrong when she tried to contact M, becasue M didn't really sound like herself. Then Monday night I was checking my email and Facebook right before bed when M contacted me on Facebook and asked if she could "talk" to me. I thought she might want to talk to L, but she asked to talk to just me - and she told me about her Dad. We were online for about an hour, her telling me the whole story, me having no words to comfort her. How can I? For any of these young women? They've just graduated from high school, entering college and/or the work world, and their fathers are gone from their lives. So we listen. And give hugs. And let them cry, and cry with them. We offer any help they might need, and it feels like so little.

We'll be attending the memorial service in a few weeks. After that, this family will have to find a new "normal", a new life without their husband and father. Family and friends who rushed to their side will slowly move back into their own lives, but life for M and her mom, brother and sister will never be the same.

I'll write about my vacation in another post.

Almost summer -

2009-06-17T11:22:00.000-07:00

- but it doesn't look like summer around here. Cold, foggy, windy . . . oh wait! That IS summer around here! I'd love a bit of sun for a change tho -

Last Saturday, the whole fam damily plus one friend went up to Westminster Woods for an open participation day on their challenge course. What a BLAST! We did a total of 6 elements in the day - starting with one low element, but quickly getting off the ground into the trees. I managed to do all but the last one - I was just worn out, physically and mentally. The low element was a team effort - there were 11 of us - and we did great! Of the high elements, I did the Eagle's Perch, the High V (with my hubby - it's a 2-person element), the Giant Swing, and the Zipline. All had some piece that was a bit difficult for me, but I did them! My greatest regret: forgetting the camera! AUGH! We all agreed we'll just have to do it again!

On Sunday, we had a lovely potluck gathering for our church chancel choir at the home of one of our altos. I really like hanging out with these people - they're fun!

Things at the "office" have slowed down a bit with the arrival of summer. I'm scheduled for vacation in early July - hubby and I are heading up to Yosemite (Tuolome Meadows) to meet his bro and sil to help celebrate their 25th anniversary. Don't know yet if either of the girls are going to come - it's likely they won't, which means we will probably leave the dogs at home as well! That will be a first - camping with just the two of us! We haven't done that since the early days of our marriage - wow!

Still seem to be struggling with the weight thing. I have returned to Weight Watchers, but I seem to have a problem following the plan. Need to figure that out. Not sure where the disconnect is, but I'm hoping if I keep going to meetings and working at it, at some point it will click. I hope.

Here's hoping for sun. And warmth.

Just not keeping up with this blogging thing . . .

2009-05-16T14:57:00.000-07:00

I keep telling myself I need to update, but with what? There's a lot going on in my head, but it doesn't seem terribly exciting.

I did have a couple of hard weeks around Mother's Day. I always do, ever since my Mom died - was 11 years ago this June? My Mom was, well, difficult. At least for me. I never seemed to be quite good enough. I didn't do things the way she did, so it was wrong. When my kids were little, I was too permissive. And she was a master of manipulation. And guilt. And I think she projected onto me things that SHE had issues with - like her weight. She made a comment to me in high school about how I looked in my dress for Chamber Singers, and I'll never forget it - when I remember it, it could have been yesterday. It was my first performance with the group - I was SO proud I had made it in! Only 16 singers, and I had been selected! After our first performance, her only comment was something about how I was the only girl "with a tummy". Gee, thanks. Way to boost my confidence. Am I still self conscious about my tummy? Hell, yes.

And that's a good segue for: going back to Weight Watchers. I've gained back almost 10 lbs. of the 45 I lost a year ago, and that is NOT ok with me. Gotta get a grip on this now. I LIKE the way I feel and look, and wanna stay this way! It's all about choices. Isn't it always about choices??

Looks like I get to play guitar for my dtr. L. tonight at open mic night - wow. She wants to sing this lovely little song from "Waitress", and asked if I could play it on my guitar. Really. Wow. I said I'd give it a try, and even tho my fingers are SORE from playing it just a few times, I'll do it. How often will I get a chance like this? And I'll take any opportunity to get her to sing - she has a lovely voice. Totally unbiased, objective opinion, of course :-)

Dh is fine. Older dtr. S. is fine. She just got another part time job working for Capay Farms, selling their produce at various Bay Area farmer's markets on the weekends. So far she loves it.

Dogs are fine, for the most part. Winston and Jake had a little "disagreement" on Monday which landed Winston in surgery for a torn eyelid. S. and I were right there when it happened, and we still didn't see it coming. We THINK what probably happened is that Winston thought that Jake might have looked at a toy that was between them. Yeah. Winston is pretty toy possessive, and once one of them starts something, neither will back down. Even tho Winston is 25 lbs. and Jake is 75. So now poor Winston has to deal with wearing the dreaded cone for the next two weeks while his stitches heal. Boys.

It's very warm here today - we've got a mini heat wave going. Not sure how long it's supposed to last, but it will probably be a couple of days, then our natural air conditioning (aka fog) will roll in. But it gives me a chance to get out of the jeans and show off the tattoo a little!

Home again --

2009-04-09T08:40:00.001-07:00

Just got back from 3 lovely days spent roaming and tasting along the Russian River Wine Road. DH and I took S. wine tasting for the first time - she loved it! Stocked up on some lovely wines, ate some marvelous food, had a relaxing, fun 3 days. First pic: entrance to the wine caves at Bella --

2nd pic - the view fr

om the deck at Armida (one of our favs) - and S. on the deck at Armida -

Oh - and MOST important - Flying Goat Coffee in Healdsburg, where we got our morning shot of caffeine!

Now it's back to work - could be a very busy couple of days for me. But that's what I get for taking time off during Holy Week!

Spring

2009-03-20T07:27:00.000-07:00

I have a bit of spring in my backyard - this is one of our trees - a fruitless maple, I think. I'm not a gardener by any stretch of the imagination. I have no houseplants (I kill them all). I don't care for gardening. But when something beautiful springs up on its own, I joyfully appreciate the beauty. It didn't need me to do anything, and it will survive despite my presence - good reasons to be thankful.

On my morning walk the other day, I was stressing about my most current issues with food and my weight. About a year and a half ago, I started back at Weight Watchers, finally ready to do something concrete about losing weight and eating better. It was a great success - I lost about 45 lbs., and was eating MUCH better foods. I felt happy with my body, and that was a feeling I hadn't had in a long time. The past few months, I've found myself going back to some old habits (not any good ones, naturally), and have put back on several of those pounds I lost. The more anxious I got about it, the more I found it difficult to control what my hands grabbed and put in my mouth. As I trudged up the hill in the dark, stewing and fretting, it suddenly occurred to me that one of the reasons the weight loss had gone so well was because it felt, in part, like a spiritual journey. And the light bulb went on. Return to that road, continue the journey. It was a small, yet wonderful, revelation for me. Granted, it's only been a couple of days, but I feel much more at peace. I think this might be my Lenten task. Found it a little late, but that's ok.

Oh - I also have a bumper crop of oxalis in my backyard. And in my front yard. I know they're a horrible, invasive weed - but aren't they pretty? The bits of red peeking out are some of the jalapenos that got left on the plant -

It's my birthday -

2009-03-09T09:00:00.000-07:00

Today, I'm 52. Amazing, isn't it? Time does fly, and yet I don't feel like I'm getting older. Altho I do look in the mirror sometimes and wonder "who IS that old lady?" But for the most part, I'm happy - it's all good. And at least my hair looks better now than it did when I was 6 --

My Sarah

2009-02-26T08:47:00.000-08:00

Born 24 years ago today at 12:32 a.m., 7 lbs. 6 oz. -- Sarah Marie Henry. Happy Birthday, Sarah Bear. Boy, we sure don't know what we're getting into when we decide to have kids, do we? I had no idea what lay before me. In some ways, that's a very good thing! And I'd do it all over again without hesitation. I love you, Sarah. You are the reason for countless proud Mommy moments. It is so exciting to see the young woman you've become - and are still becoming. I mean, really - look at her! Isn't she amazing??

I think it's working . . .

2009-02-25T07:27:00.000-08:00

I posted earlier this month that, after the Women's Retreat, I came home wanting to renew and reshape my attitude with regard to my boss, our interim pastor. I definitely feel progress. I am less stressed about work, less tense around him, much more willing to listen and hear him, and I don't feel that wall go up when I'm around him. Amazing. The seed was planted at the retreat, and I was really hoping I could step aside and let God help it grow. There may be hope for me yet :-)

In other news . . . my firstborn turns 24 tomorrow. Oh my. Even tho that makes me feel OLD, I can't complain. She's a treasure.

Hibernating . . .

2009-02-18T12:02:00.000-08:00

I feel like a sleepy slug. No motivation to do anything. Just wanna sit in my chair, watch movies, knit, maybe play on the computer a little. And there's so much I COULD be doing - always is. And the longer I let things go, the less motivated I am to do them at all. Like cleaning. Lots of it needs to be done around my house, and right now, none if it is getting done. I'd probably be warmer if I got up and DID something. But no. I do manage to get myself out the door in the a.m. to walk the dog, and to work, when I have to. But beyond that -- I'd rather not.

I finally got my ticket in the mail - bail set at $202, plus $57 admin. fee to take traffic school, plus some other random fee -- once I add in the $35 for traffic school, it's over $300. And no more online traffic school in San Mateo county - maybe people cheated too much? So I get to waste a Sat. -- 8 hrs. in a dumpy Holiday Inn Express, taking a "comedy" traffic school. Figured I might as well try to get a laugh out of this -- it doesn't seem particularly humorous to me. Crap. My own fault, I know, but still.

My firstborn, S., is getting ready to turn 24. Dh and I got her a ticket to see The Chieftains this week - I think she's happy. It was a very spontaneous thing - heard an ad on the car radio for the concert, and hit the computer as soon as we got home to see if there were any good tix left. There were - so we got her one. Hope she enjoys the show! It's so hard to figure out what to get your adult kids for birthdays & such - I usually just ask them point blank what they want, what wouldn't they get for themselves but would really like, yk? I wish I could give them everything their little hearts desired. I have amazing daughters - slightly biased opinion, I know, but really. I was never as confident, as strong, at their age. I love having them around, love learning from them, sharing with them. They amaze me sometimes.

My boy

2009-02-07T11:52:00.001-08:00

Happy Birthday, Jake! He's 9 years old today! This is what he looked like at about 9 weeks - just a little different! He was a bouncy, naughty, mouthy puppy -- and that lasted about 3 years. Through a lot of frustration, years of training (for all of us), and mounds of patience, he became a pretty darned good dog. Still can't really trust him completely, but hey, he's a dog! He's so much a part of our family - loved and spoiled, as much as he'll let us. He's not the cuddly sort, but does want to be near "his people". He'll casually follow me around the house when I'm the only one home. He loves to crash on my bed, but only when there's no one else on it. Like I said, not the cuddly sort. He does seem to know when we need him, tho. Last night, L. said "Jake only cuddles with me when he knows I'm really upset". Gotta love that. So Happy Birthday, big boy - we love you!

Yikes

2009-02-06T12:06:00.000-08:00

I had planned to post a lovely reflection on my weekend at the Woods, but I woke up with a headache on Sunday, which stayed with me thru worship, the drive home, and finally grew up to be a full blown cold/flu. I actually called in sick on Thurs., but it seems to be on its way out now.

On top of that, I got home from the weekend to find that a long time online friend had died on Dec. 15th. of a recurrence of her breast cancer. It had gone into her liver, and possibly her bones as well. There are about 12 of us who joined an AOL bulletin board for stay-at-home-moms over 10 years ago. We moved from there to a Yahoo group, and still stay in touch. Tammy died just short of her 40th birthday, and leaves her 3 young boys and her husband. The group is working on making some sort of memorial donation to the school where she worked.

With being sick and getting the news of Tammy's death, my head is still processing. I did come away from the weekend with a commitment to work on my attitude towards my job - specifically, towards my new boss. I haven't been outwardly hostile or anything, but in my head, my thoughts have not been helpful. I think I've been silently stubborn and resentful - nice, huh? We spent the weekend at the Woods talking about un-fruitful thoughts -- weeds -- and how to work towards pulling out those weeds and making space for the Spirit to move in. That's what I'm working on. Let those un-fruitful thoughts just fly on thru, and focus on the good stuff. Move into a new attitude, a new perspective. It's a work in progress . . .

Ahhhhh . . .

2009-01-29T09:57:00.001-08:00

Relaxed. Calm. Serene. These are my goals for the weekend. I leave this afternoon for my annual Women's Retreat at Westminster Woods. I'm packed. Ready to go. But it's only 10 a.m. Rats. Got a few hours to wait before I can pick up my friends and L. and hit the road . . . This is Winston, btw. S's dog - actually, it's Sir Winston Churchill III, thank you very much. He's quite the sun worshiper. He has the art of relaxation down, my friends.

Busted

2009-01-28T15:55:00.000-08:00

Got my first ticket EVER last night. I was driving away from my stylist's salon, drove about a block when I suddenly realized my headlights weren't on - and I turned them on immediately. By the time I'd made my left turn at the next light, the cop was on me, lights blazing. He asked me "Do you know why I pulled you over?" Yup. Sure do. He took all my info, then before he went back to his car, he asked "How's your driving record?" Totally clean. Not a spot on it - until now! I always thought I'd be a basket case if I ever got pulled over, but I totally wasn't. The officer was very pleasant - not at all cranky or nasty. But really. Yeah, it was dark, and yeah, I should have had them on, so I can't say it wasn't deserved, but it does seem a little . . . nit picky? S. said the Burlingame cops don't have anything better to do. Guess this means traffic school for me. Oh joy.

New socks

2009-01-22T15:32:00.001-08:00

Finished these last week, I think. They're very warm and cozy. Very not perfect, but hey, neither is the knitter. If you look close, you can see where I messed up the ribbing on my right leg - did that a couple of times. Oh well. I really don't care - they're for me, and they feel just as warm and cozy with messed up stitches.

Looks like younger dtr. L. will only be taking one class this semester - swimming. Didn't get into the English class she wanted, and decided the math really was going to be too hard. Next semester she'll take one level lower - it won't transfer, but then she'll be ready to take the class that DOES transfer. Since she has so much free time, she's gonna be working a few days a week at the office for Sojourn to the Past. (Don't know what that is? Check out sojournproject.com.) L. took the trip her Jr. year in HS, and has done a bit of work for them since. She loves it, they love her, it's a PAID job - what more could you ask for?

S. is working mega hours at the coffee cart while they get it all dialed in -- new espresso machine, new prices, new menus - lots of new stuff! She's very happy when she's pulling shots. So she's very tired, but happy. She's taking one business math course this semester - loved the first class, so let's hope that continues.

I put together the 2008 annual reports for the church today - glad that's done. Putting together the reports isn't a big deal -- copying, collating, stapling -- GETTING the reports from the committee chairs is a pain in the you-know-what. Deadline? Forget it. Most people just start thinking about their report when it's due -- remind you of high school or what? So, being the sneaky, conniving secretary that I am, I set the deadline about a week ahead of when I REALLY need the reports. Unfortunately, I think they know that. Curses. Foiled again.

Counting down to my annual Women's Weekend at the Woods - a week from today, I should be well on the road. Oh yes.

Un-freaking-believable

2009-01-20T15:29:00.000-08:00

President Barak Obama. Very nice. Love the sound of that. Wondered how he felt walking down to that podium. I marveled at the sea of humanity that went to see him -- in the FREEZING cold. Media reps kept saying how young the crowd was. That's hopeful. And didja catch a couple of those words he used? "Data and statistics", "restore science to its rightful place" -- oh yeah. I found my eyes tearing up a couple of times during the ceremony - watching Aretha sing, listening to our new president go all preacher towards the end of his speech - fire it up!

I had a friend say she cried when Pres. and Laura Bush boarded the helicopter to leave the White House and head back to Texas. She cried with JOY! GOODbye. SEE ya. Don't let the door hit you on the way out, Shrub.

Countdown . . .

2009-01-19T09:14:00.000-08:00

. . . to a new beginning. I know things aren't going to change quickly or easily, but if we can just begin that long, slow turn towards the right direction - well, that's a good start. I still can't quite grasp that Barak Obama is our new president - wonder if he's having the same feelings :-)

I'm back in the church choir, and it's going quite well. We have a few new members, which is wonderful! There's quite a range of experience and abilities, but every voice is quite good, and makes a noticeable contribution to the whole. It's not about having the best voice, standing out, having lots of music training -- it's about blending, working together, making music to praise God. That's where the fun comes in, at least for me.

Still knitting, finished a nice, warm pair of red wool-blend socks. Yeah, RED. I don't wear flashy clothes, so why not have flashy socks? Right now, I'm knitting more hand warmers - the ones I knit last year seemed to disappear (I think into L's room - at least some of them), and it's nice to have a variety of colors to choose from. They don't take long - I can knit a pair in a day, if it's the right day! I can at least knit one in an afternoon.

My sister is coming over today - she wants me to show her how to knit in the round so she can knit hats for her son. We're also going to go up to S.'s work and try out some of their new coffee. The cart has been completely redone - they now get their espresso beans from Barefoot, and the brewed coffee is their own El Capitan. S. and her boss Phil have been working long and hard to re-do the cart -- new signs, new cups, new espresso machine -- yow! Their "opening day" is tomorrow - that's when spring semester starts. They're cart is at a local community college, so their schedule is the school schedule. We'll be guinea pigs today! Hey, it's coffee - I'm not complaining!

Still waiting for winter - we need rain, and what we've got is lovely, but way too dry.

Happy Friday!

2009-01-09T07:30:00.000-08:00

I'd be happier, but I think I have a bunch of stuff to do at work, and I'm not sure I can get it all done today. We'll see.

Found my two big dogs together on one dog bed yesterday morning - that is a rare occurrence. Jake (my brindle boy) doesn't really like to cuddle. Mira, on the other hand, would rather be next to another warm body (dog or human, she doesn't care) than by herself. I think when she found Jake on the dog bed she wanted, she just cuddled in next to him. The amazing thing is that he didn't leave. Guess he really wanted that bed.

L. is recovering nicely from wisdom tooth removal. Pretty much ran herself out of the really good drugs, and will now rely on Advil. It's fine - that will be enough. As long as there's not too much laughing - her jaw is still quite sore, and after going to Youth Club at church on Wed., she was REALLY sore from all the smiling and laughing! Not such a bad thing.

I went back to choir last night for the first time since April. I dropped out of the church choir because it was just too stressful for me - I dreaded rehearsal and was tense and angry about it. Not a good thing. The former director resigned in Sept. and we now have a new director, so I thought I'd give it a try. I think it's going to work just fine, if I can get my voice to cooperate. I've been having "vocal issues" for quite some time. I'm sure I'm doing something wrong, but just can't figure out what, and how to stop it! Have to work on that.

Beginning to really look forward to my annual Women's Retreat at Westminster Woods (west Sonoma County, just outside Occidental). Turns out BOTH my daughters are coming this year, too. L. came last year, and S. wants to give it a try. Talk about blessings. L. and I will go up on Thursday, 1/29, for an extra day (they call it HeadStart), and S. will come up Friday evening. L. and I will have our massages on Friday, S. on Saturday. There will be an abundance of things I love -- my daughters and my women friends, a speaker talking to us about "Growing the Spirit", peace and quiet, laughter, good food, time to knit, space to listen for that still, small voice. I can't wait!

Day 3 -

2009-01-04T10:49:00.000-08:00

- post wisdom tooth removal for L. She slept in my room again last night - poor dh got her bed. We all slept much better than Fri. night, that's for sure. Still had to wake up every 5 hrs. for meds, but slept pretty good in between. She has been using the percocet at night, and we're switching to vicodin during the day today. We'll see how that goes. She'll be on soup and milkshakes (NO STRAW!) for several more days, but seems to be doing well with that. She'll be back in her own room tonight - she just felt nervous about being by herself. Neither of my girls have much experience with surgery, or pain (at least not that they can remember), so being on pain meds is a strange, strange feeling for them. L. says she's not fond of it - neither was S. They don't like the feeling of not being in control. I get that.

Michael's has sock yarn 1/2 off today - guess where I'm going? I can buy the yarn, but I gotta finish a couple other projects before I can start a new one. Ken's hat, a pair of thick, red wool-ease socks for me, and who knows what else is lying around, waiting to be finished?

S. heads up north to Tacoma, WA on Tues. for the Northwest Regional Barrista Competition - she and her boss will be judging. They have to go thru a day of training, then they get placed according to how their training went. She's so excited! I've knit her a scarf and handwarmers to match the hat I made her - they're pretty cute, if I do say so myself. Still gotta get a pic of that hat, and L's - the long, stocking hats. They're pretty fun.

Playing hooky from church today - we're so bad. I'm just not feeling it these days. We do have a new director of music, and we start choir rehearsals this Thurs. Even tho I've been out of the choir for a while, I'm going back - totally different director, totally different vibe. I think it will be great. It will mean I have to show up for church on Sunday :-)

Here we are -

2009-01-02T13:23:00.000-08:00

- right at the beginning of a brand spanking new year. As L. said: "It doesn't feel any different than the LAST year." Nope. Not yet, at least. I do have hope, tho - things are pretty down right now - nationally speaking - but I have faith that we'll all begin to make a turn in the right direction. It may be a long, slow turn, but I believe we'll see a turn.

We had a good day at my Dad's yesterday - we drove up for his annual New Year's Day crab cioppino feast, and it was yummy! Quite a crowd, too, but lots of fun. On the way home, we picked up L.'s friend M. for an overnight of watching movies. I guess they only stayed up til about 1, but slept in pretty well anyway. L. is having all 4 wisdom teeth pulled today - in about, oh, 1.5 hrs. She's not looking forward to it, naturally. The oral surgeon is a good one, tho, and I expect all will go fine, and she'll spend the next few days on good drugs.

Dh and I realized we didn't have a 2009 calendar, so we went a bought one - he was pushing for another boxer (dog) calendar, but I found a cool coffee one, and that's the one we got. It's got vintage-like 50's drawings of people drinking coffee, with sayings like "If it's not caffeinated, what's the damn point?" and "Sorry, reality doesn't exist before my morning cup of coffee." Yeah, I love it.

Blessings to you all - all one or two of you - have a cup of coffee, watch a good movie -- do something that makes you happy. And then do something that makes somebody else happy, too.

Home again, home again --

2008-12-30T08:53:00.000-08:00

Back home from a few days in Nor. Cal., where it was cold and rainy. Managed to get out on Sat. for a lovely walk on the dunes and the beach (we were in Eureka), but Sunday it was rainy all day, so we just stayed in with dh's bro R. Sil J. had to work. We chatted, I knitted. Saw snow on the way up around Laytonville - crazy. It was a nice visit, just a long drive. Wish they lived closer!

Off to work today to run the bulletin for Sunday, maybe fire off an email newsletter. It's supposed to go out on Wednesday (it's called Wednesdays @ Bethany), but I'm not working tomorrow. I think it will be a low key New Year's Eve, then up to Santa Rosa to my Dad's on Thurs. for his annual New Year's Day crab cioppino feed -- yummmm . . . Friday L. is getting all wisdom teeth extracted - ugh. Hope it goes well. She is going to an oral surgeon, so good drugs are involved, and we know his work, so I expect it will be fine. Still not fun.

Wishing all a VERY safe New Year's Eve, and all blessings for 2009 -

Christmas + 1

2008-12-26T08:51:00.001-08:00

It was a lovely Christmas - quiet, warm and toasty, yummy food, fun movies. Ken and I are heading to Eureka today to visit his bro and sil - leaving girls and dogs at home. S. took some pics yesterday - I think they're all of the dogs and the food! None of us humans were feeling photogenic. I'll post some here when I get back. Hope you all had a good Christmas - wondering what will come in 2009.

Almost Christmas --

2008-12-22T17:21:00.000-08:00

-- almost. I think I'm done shopping - have just a couple more things to wrap, but that's not a big deal. Rehearsed w/the quartet on Sunday, so we're set to sing "The Star Carol" on Christmas Eve.

I have been very frustrated by the lack of info I had been getting at work - I have only two days this week to get two bulletins done, so getting the info from everyone is key. My friend T., chair of the worship committee at church, REALLY helped out by finalizing the Christmas Eve bulletin on Sunday, so all I have to do is run that one off. The one for Sunday the 28th is still kinda in the works - there's a guest preacher, so I kinda need some of the info from her. Like the scripture readings. Hymns, if she wants to choose them. My pastor has written some liturgy and selected hymns, so if I don't get anything from our guest, I'll just print those. And if I don't get the scripture readings, they'll just have to announce them on Sunday. Not a huge deal, really, but I do like to have everything done, if at all possible.

Dh and I are leaving the day after Christmas, heading north to Eureka to visit his bro and sil for a few days. I hope it's relaxing, because right now, I don't even want to think about packing up and making that drive. But once we get going, I'll be fine. I'll just take up a couple of books and a bunch of knitting - that will keep me happy!

Good morning, Neverland!

2008-12-16T07:38:00.000-08:00

The concert on Sunday was, for me, a blessing. Everything went off smoothly, the music was beautiful, the quartet sang well (my voice cooperated!), and I think everyone was very pleased -- and the rain pounded on the roof while we sang. It was the most relaxed I've ever been doing a concert there. The Spirit was present.

Today, at some point, I'm "on duty" to pick up my friend A. from the hospital after she has a biopsy. Her cancer has returned, and she needs another round of chemo and radiation, and then surgery. Not fun. Please keep her in your prayers. She is a dear friend of our family. She was my "baby holder" when L. was tiny - while I sang in the choir, A. held L. in the congregation so that, if L. got hungry, I could just pop out of the choir loft and nurse her. A. and L. have a special connection because of that.

Older dtr.'s ex J. was in an accident on Sunday, and is in the hospital with head injuries. She's sedated and intubated. We tried to go see her yesterday, but she was scheduled for a CAT scan, so we couldn't. S. will go down again today, and hopefully get to see her. Keep J. in your prayers as well.

Life seems a bit somber right now, but there are still blessings all around me. In the midst of feeling quite disorganized and confounded with Christmas gifts, I can sit down and knit a little doggie sweater for Winston and all seems right. It calms my heart and soothes my brain.

Stay warm and dry today, friends - it's winter out there! (Anybody need a hat??

It's Friday, but --

2008-12-12T07:31:00.000-08:00

- I've been feeling kinda icky the last couple of days - but I don't WANNA be sick. Younger dtr. says there's something going around, which she seems to have, and now I think she's trying to give it to me. No thanks.

This Sunday is the Christmas concert at the church - my quartet is singing a few pieces. I hope everything goes smoothly. We have no music director at the moment, so my friend T. is organizing the concert. She asked me if I'd do a program - no problem. Kinda need the names of the participants, tho. And what they're playing/singing. That would help. I have a few - hope there will be more on my desk when I get in this morning. If not, well, I'll do the best I can, but I'm not gonna make myself crazy over this (ok, craziER).

I hope to get by my friend K's photo and card show tomorrow - I guess it's actually her sister's pottery show, but K is showing/selling her photo cards and prints. She's a pretty darn good photographer. She takes pics of plants, flowers, trees - nature & stuff. But they're not ordinary - she has an eye, that one. And I've never seen much of her sister's pottery - what I have seen is amazing, so it will be cool to see more.

Lots of not-fun things going on around me right now - a dear friend at church, who thought she was done with cancer treatment, now needs more. Ken's uncle Glenn passed away at Thanksgiving, and my uncle Charlie passed away last week. We can't make it to uncle Charlie's service, but Ken's thinking of trying to make it to uncle Glenn's next Thursday. We can't choose when these things will happen. I guess we can only choose how to respond.

So on that downer note, a cliche to start your day - count your blessings. I'm living with a bunch of mine . . .

Advent Festival 2008

2008-12-06T13:35:00.001-08:00

Just got home from the church advent festival - where we decorate the sanctuary for advent and Christmas. I said I'd be "in charge" of cookies -- baking and decorating -- and L. helped. This year, it was very quiet - only a few people showed up. Ken and Andy put up the tree last night, and Ken did the lights this morning. A few people came and put up ornaments, and we had a couple of people decorate a few cookies, but for the most part, it was VERY small, very quiet. We missed our cookie baking friends from last year - Mikaela, Stephanie and Gail, and Solveig! Ah, well, times change. People come and go -- altho we could really use a few more coming to the church rather than leaving. Later, L. will help me put the lights on our tree, and we'll pull down the boxes of ornaments tomorrow. I did take the time to take a few pictures, at least . . .

Finally got one --

2008-12-04T07:35:00.000-08:00

-- a photo of hubby's and my matching tattoos. Because of where they are on our bodies, it was kind hard to figure out how to get them in the same photo! But lovely older dtr. helped out, and we got it done.

Just bury me in yarn

2008-12-03T11:42:00.000-08:00

I like to knit. I like to knit more than lots of other things. I've been knitting a lot lately - I say it's for Christmas gifts, but that is probably more an excuse than a reason. Both my girls have put in requests for specific hats, so that gives me two more projects. One is almost done - I should finish it easily today - and then I'll start on the second one. I'll definitely post pics when they're done.

Last year, I taught the Youth Club at church how to knit - well, I taught some of them, anyway. Hey, they all gave it a try, even tho most will never pick up needles again. I actually made up little info cards for them - with a knitting help website, free pattern website and my email address (just in case they had any questions). On the front, I put "Knitting for Sanity" - because truly, that's what it is. I even bought a t-shirt that says "knitting keeps me from unraveling". Ain't that the truth.

My dear family is going to go cut down a Christmas tree this Fri. afternoon. We haven't done that in years - we've been buying them at a local Lowe's. It was a time and convenience issues, on top of not wanting to deal with cranky kids at a tree farm. ("You ALWAYS choose HER tree - you NEVER choose the one I like!") But we're thinking we're grown up and mature enough to do try it again. I hope I'm right ;-)

Looks like hubby and I are going to Eureka after Christmas to visit his bro and sil - at first, my reaction was "Oh no - I don't want to go all the way to Eureka!" Dreading all the preparation, the organizing, the hassle . . . and then I realized it was JUST US. The TWO of us. No girls, no dogs. Now that's a whole different story. It will be like a little vacation! I just have to worry about ME (hubby can take care of his own stuff). So now I'm actually looking forward to it! How nice.

Here they are --

2008-11-29T09:05:00.000-08:00

-- the tiny things I've been knitting. And yeah, I think it's the knitting that's causing my lower back muscles to hurt. This morning, I reached into the fridge for some half-n-half for my coffee and everything seized up. Oh my. I think I'd better do something besides knit today.

Happy Day After -

2008-11-28T08:53:00.000-08:00

- or Black Friday, or Recovery Day -- whatever you prefer to call it! I'm recovering - ate too much and got a tummy ache. My own fault, of course - no one was holding a gun to my head forcing me to eat. And still I ate too much. Portion control - that's what Weight Watchers teaches us, and what I ignored last night. I was pretty uncomfortable for about half the night - got less sleep than I would have liked. I'm fine this morning, and just have to be careful with those leftovers -- they're calling my name . . .

Dinner turned out great - everything was edible! We do always have some trouble getting all parts of the turkey done - if the breasts are done, the legs & thighs are not quite. If the legs and thighs are

done, the breast meat is overdone & dry. Solution? Pop those underdone legs & thighs in the microwave for a few minutes - works wonders! Dtrs. raved about the heart attack mashed potatoes (their fav), and older dtr. loved the green beans (steamed, then sauted w/garlic, yellow peppers and a few jalapenos from the garden). Didn't taste the tiny jalapenos before I tossed them in, but WOW we could taste them on the beans! They were spicy little guys! And they were so pretty! I posted a pic of them on the bush, so there's one here of them in a bowl -they look so harmless.

Then we sat around and watched a couple of movies - Indianan Jones 1 & 3 - and I knitted up a couple more sets of ornaments. I gotta take a pic of those, too - I think they're just too cute. I am having a little muscle pain in my lower back, and I think it's from knitting tiny things with tiny needles - I tend to tense up. So maybe I need to switch to something bigger for a while - I have several projects that need to be finished, and I think it's time to pull out the blanket I'm re-knitting. We could use it now!

Hope all is well in your world - give me a call if you want to come by for some leftovers. We got a little to spare . . .

Today's the day --

2008-11-27T09:36:00.000-08:00

-- our national eat-until-you-can't-move day. This year, it's just the four of us here at home - well, 7 if you count the dogs (which we do, even tho they don't get turkey). I gotta admit, I kinda like this low-stress Thanksgiving. The cooking isn't at all overwhelming when I don't have to clean the whole house on top of it! See, I'm not really very domestic. Don't cook, hate to clean. So if having people over means cooking AND cleaning, I get stressed very quickly. And yeah, I know I do it to myself -- that most other people don't really care if my mantle has a layer of dust thick enough to ski on. But I still do it.

So here we are, just the fam, mashed potatoes already made & ready for the oven, turkey is going in the BBQ, and all I have to do is make the stuffing and steam some veggies. Yeah, I like this. I wonder if I could remember this state of being when other people are coming? It would be a good skill to develop . . .

Happy Thanksgiving, all. I will be living my blessings today -- they're here everyday, but today, I'll actually acknowledge them. God bless and good eats!

In my garden

2008-11-21T11:54:00.000-08:00

I am not a gardener - I will not lie. My hubby planted the tomatoes and peppers, and then installed a drip system -- otherwise, they would die, because I wouldn't remember to water them. The tomato plants are very sad looking, altho they do still have some tomatoes on them. Go figure. The little pepper plant has turned into a jalapeno shrub, and is full of peppers - most of them tiny, some of them red! And for some reason, the sad little rose bush in the backyard has decided to bloom again. I'm not complaining - the roses are beautiful. All in all, a nice bit of color on these brisk days. I took a couple of pics - I'm also no great photographer, but you get the idea.

Sun worshippers

2008-11-19T12:43:00.000-08:00

I love my dogs --

2008-11-19T12:31:00.000-08:00

-- I really do. Everyone knows that. Yeah, they're a little spoiled, but not horribly. They're part of the family. So I get concerned when one of them isn't quite right. Which is more often than I'd like. This morning, hubby took them out to potty, then came back in and said "is it just me, or does Mira's face look funny?" Uh, no, it's NOT just you, and she's all swollen up! Ran to Walgreen's, bought some bendadryl, gave her a small amt. and waited to call the vet when they open at 7:30. Took her in, and she had an allergic reaction to something - probably a bug bite of some sort. Shot of steroids, more benadryl, and home we go. It must have happened when she went out to potty in the middle of the night. When she came back in, she was very unsettled, and ended up on our bed, just so she'd settle down and we could all get some sleep! Hubby's been up with her the last 3 nights now - mostly with the barfing. Yuck. He gets night duty - years ago with the kids, now with the dogs. I guess because I have the duty every day. It's not like I don't wake up, I just don't have to GET up unless needed.

She looked better before I left for work, and older dtr. is home this morning, so she can keep an eye on the dogs. I swear, they're almost as much trouble as kids -- except the dogs I can leave home alone, or shut them up in their crates, and no one calls CPS. On the down side, they're perpetual toddlers.

And I still love my dogs.

Here they come . . .

2008-11-17T17:31:00.000-08:00

. . . the holidays. Yup, they are closer than you think. This Sat. evening, our church has its annual Thanksgiving Dinner and Talent Show - always a great time. The women's quartet I sing with is doing a piece together with a men's quartet -- it will be fun! Parts of the meal is cooked at the church - turkey, stuffing, gravy, cranberry sauce, pie - and the rest is potluck. I will be bringing my Mom's mashed potatoes - always a hit.

We're doing our family Thanksgiving here at home - looks like all the various parts of my family are doing their own thing this year. That's ok - last year we had everyone here, and it was a very full house. It's fine with me to have it be smaller this year!

Christmas is not far behind Thanksgiving this year, and I'm sure, like us, many people are looking for ways to do the gift thing more simply (and less expensively). I've begun knitting little gifties, which will, in some cases, go along with hubby's homebrewed beer. I like the feel of it - it seems right. Beer and knitted stuff - that goes together, right? Sure it does. Besides, knitting saves my sanity at this time of the year. Helps me de-stress. So if you don't want a scarf, or a hat, or little bitty knitted ornaments -- just remember that knitting that for you helped keep me out of the padded room.

In other news --- just after we ring in the New Year, younger dtr. will be ringing OUT her wisdom teeth. Surgery is scheduled for the afternoon of Jan. 2nd. That gives her maximum time for recovery before her next semester classes begin on 1/12. She'll be getting good drugs, so hopefully everything will go well. No one is looking forward to it - least of all her. But better to get it done when the teeth are still not fully formed - easier to remove, quicker recovery. Still big $$$$ tho - yikes.

I also hope to take some unpaid time off after Christmas - I'm out of vacation days for the year, but I need a break. Pastor will be on vacation, so as long as I get the Sunday bulletin done, it's all good. I want a break now, but I think I need to wait.

Goin' shopping?

2008-11-15T08:15:00.000-08:00

Hey, it's Saturday! Just got back from walking the dogs, havin' another cup o' coffee (yes, I'm a coffee addict), thinking about my day ahead. Younger dtr. may be heading up to a Prop 8 protest - for those of you NOT in Calif. the people here voted on Nov. 4th to deny the right to marry to the LGBT community. It's not going over well. Anytime we vote to DENY rights to a specific group, I think we're heading the wrong way. Anyway, she's doing that, older dtr. has work - selling coffee at the farmer's market - she enables my addiction, and I lover her for it :-)

My sister wants me to come across the bay and go to an antique sale with her today - she bribed me with a sweater and a pair of shoes that she bought, but don't fit her right. I think that's worth a ride across the bay! Plus, just spending time with my sis is enough - she's the best. We've relied on each other for support for SO many things over the years. Nice to have that, doncha think? Hubby is working today, so I'd be doing my own thing no matter what. And any chance to get out of the house and avoid housework is good with me. I can knit on BART, which is a good enough excuse not to drive. Plus, we'll probably hit the knitting/yarn shop near her house - yum! I need more sock yarn . . .

Guess I should shower first, tho - feed the dogs, feed myself, etc. And it's as warm as a summer day again today -- just weird.

Isn't it fall??

2008-11-14T07:25:00.001-08:00

Happy, happy Friday! I had my performance evaluation at work, and they didn't fire me! (gg) It went ok - I do like my job, just not really clicking with the interim pastor. His work style is not like mine. Ah, well, I keep telling myself he's the INTERIM, and will eventually do his job and be gone.

Weather here is getting really warm - very strange for the middle of Nov. I like fall weather - cool and crisp. This warm thing is a little weird.

My quartet is singing in church this Sunday - we haven't been singing together at all for a while, so it's fun. We're also doing something for our church Thanksgiving dinner - along with a men's quartet. Gonna be fun! We'll also do a few pieces for our Christmas concert - which will really be more like a recital. The church is in the midst of looking for a new music director, so the chancel choir isn't rehearsing, which means that, unless we get a new director really soon, the choir won't be presenting anything at the concert. That's ok. I don't mind simple, scaled-down -- any time I can simplify something in Advent and Christmas, I'm happy.

I've found a couple of knitting patterns for quick, cute gifts, so guess what everyone's getting for Christmas? Uh huh - cute, hand knit gifts. It'll give me something easy and quick to knit, which keeps me out of trouble (read: out of the kitchen!). It also will help preserve my sanity. That's really why I knit, you know - it's all about holding on to what sanity I have left.

Need more coffee -

2008-11-12T14:43:00.000-08:00

Here's a couple of pics for ya - my tattoos, some knitting stuff, my dogs . . .

Here we go -

2008-11-12T14:15:00.000-08:00

I decided to move from MySpace to a blog - MySpace just seems cumbersome, so we'll try this. I'll post when I can, read when I can. Cause ya know, we're all just wingin' it . . .